Happy Happy ❤ Hurt Hurt 💔

1.29am

         I wasn't in a mood to write anything. It's been 5 days or something. I can't count the days. There's just so much going on my mind and nothing comes out in words. I feel the failure of expressing. I just watched two movies in a row before writing this. So I feel a bit of inspired. Inspired to write something. I'll tell you what happened. Some days back, it was raining a lot. I'd been thinking that I loved rain. But after this rainy day, apparently I've realized that I hate rain. I just hate that watery weather. I don't like the atmosphere made after raining. I've never had a shower in rain though. Because I couldn't take it.  I tried to go out into the rain, but after a few seconds, I started feeling awful. I couldn't bear the raindrops on my skin, which made me to step back from the rain. It was just natural,  I wanted to stay there a bit, but I couldn't. You see everything doesn't happen just as same as our expectations. We dream things, we try to live it but who knows how it makes us feel in reality. So it was an example to explain the theme of the film I've just watched. Two people think they'd never fall for each other, but they start falling. After they start falling for each other, they decide to live their dreams. Living their dreams turns out to be very difficult for both of them. But still they think they'd stay for themselves. They will be loving each other forever. Well, after turning the dreams into reality, nothing happened as same as they had thought. They had to leave, they had to live their own lives, apart from each other. And one day, the destiny makes them meet each other again. But everything has been changed. That's the ending. I think it's still a happy ending. It's happy ending because both of them were happy. 

         Next thing is, I've been missing school for a long time. I'm giving myself some time and trying to figure out things. But as long as I'm waiting, I'm getting more messed up. Thanks to the adorable, caring, loving and kind people I have. I'm not hurt. It's just a complexion of feelings. It's like ignored, hurt, happy, sick, tired, worried, horribly attached with wrong people and many more. Why do I still feel alone after having these amazing people ? I didn't give a heading for this post, because nothing suitable  came to my mind. I just thought "WTH!  How can I do the same mistakes everytime? " would be good, but no I'm not repeating mistakes. I think I'm special for them, but not that special. They don't make me feel that special now. All the spark's gone. So I searched for new people. They found me interesting, we chat,  we have fun, and in the end, it just ends. One of them thinks getting attached with me is not good for him. Well, that's your choices to make.  Mine is to just go through your choices. Just one line I'd like to tell them "Don't make me too attached with you and just stop talking to me". Because I feel the same way. I think I've been getting used to them too. Nothing more to say. Good night .
       
                                                         Love, Pran

Happy or Fine?

"have you ever noticed that there's a big difference between fine and happy? "

     People ask "How are you?" and we answer "I'm fine". It's rare to find people telling "I'm happy" to the person who has asked this formal and famous question. Is it a difference that we all know well but we don't need to figure out what the difference is ? Or it doesn't matter ? Or it maybe boring ? Or it's hard to explain the difference? Hard that you are incapable of getting the right words to use while trying to explain or while you're just thinking about it.  That's what we do. We ignore things we are incapable of elaborating . What I think is that happiness is an expression or a feeling of our situation, but 'fine' is fine. I don't know what it is. Just everyone use it without doing a good mental research for the right word. It's FINE. We don't have that much time to do a research for a single word. We can't understand what people want as an answer from us of the question "how are you?". Maybe they expect the boring "FINE". Maybe they expect something interesting like happy, sad, angry... Blah blah blah. Maybe they expect nothing. But they ask because it's the formal way to start a conversation. But some people also ask because they really care. And they might get disappointed with your answer. And they have to be okay with your answer. Fine is okay. Okay is comforting. Comforting is nothing to worry about. But see, it says how much interested you are to talk to the person. I'm not talking about the vocal conversations, it's all about the texting. I don't know how people think. But I get a vibe that this person is showing less interest to have a talk. And usually I never ask "how are you?". It's because I'm aware of the answer you're about to give. It's because I don't like the answer. It's because I want to avoid you showing less interest. Well I've written a lot about interest. Because I take it seriously. And it's important. 
   
       Huh! I don't really think I've elaborated the difference. But yeah I hope you get it . Gud night. Another stupid post 🥴

                                       Love, Pran

A Midnight Writing

Currently in ❤

          Hey, it's just like an update. I'm doing good. At least people can think that I'm fine. Because they can't understand, and I can't explain how to reply a "How are you". Well I don't really know if this makes sense or not, but I'm currently in love. No, it's not one-sided. Alhamdulillah it's not. Because one-sided love is boring. Nothing can be said about this kinda love. Because it's kinda abnormal. I don't have to answer the cheesiest questions ever asked by a girlfriend. But still I'm in love. It's kind of a love, where I get to choose what I can do. It's kind of a love where I have more happiness and satisfaction than I've ever had before. Confusing, isn't it? Well let it be. Who cares?  I have what I want. So no need to explain why I am happier and more satisfied. What kind of satisfaction? What kind of happiness? Readers might be thinking this person is absolutely mad. I think everyone on this world is mad. It's the good kind of mad, nothing to worry about. I don't need a psychiatrist, lol. I want to laugh a lot. I want to shout out loudly at the world. I think a little bit of happiness, little bit of anxiety, little bit of love, little bit of impatience, little bit of grumpiness and lots of me makes my life. It's all about me, I don't really want anything else stop me from loving. I know it's the most boring blog post of mine (maybe I'll write more in future 😅), but if we start explaining ourselves in detail, we may stuck at some point while searching for the perfect word to use. Well that's what happening to me. I'm not getting words to use. It's because I'm so happy. I'm so happy that someone hurt me before. I'm happy that I let things go. I'm happy that I don't care. I'm happy I'm being crazy. I'm happy I'm writing this. I'm happy I'm not listening to anyone, but my favorite songs. I'm happy that I'm sorry. I'm happy I'm opening up to myself. I'm happy that I'm currently in love with myself ❤. Nothing much to say. Have a good night.

                                                            Love, Pran

(Lol, took an hour to finish writing, just wrote the craziest things I could ever think to publish) 

A 3am Writing

Being Busy is OK

       There's nothing certain about people. They can mean the whole world to you and also they can be poisonous for you. Watch out! Start getting smarter. So I have a lot of things to tell, but I don't know how to express them in words. So here're just some kinda important things that happened with me.

             First thing is that there are some people, by talking to them, I just start filling up with negativity. I mean I have my point of view to mind, why should I start messing with yours?  I tried, actually a lot to turn the matter down. But everyone is stubborn, I guess . Fine, it's good to be stubborn. But don't force somebody to agree with you if he's not showing interest or having his own point of view. In complex words, People can argue about their views, but they don't think about the views of the one they're talking to . Just like I said before, people can be poisonous. Their words can kill your thougts, expectations and feelings. And in simple words, "Don't demotivate someone." If you find such people, who are always trying to be your boss, you better keep distance from them or you are going to lose something.

         I am an animal lover. But actually I'm scared of them. They are too soft to touch. I've always wanted a pet, but then I get scared, that I'm gonna love my pet so much, and in the end we have to be separated. This thing can be painful, so I'm just happy with watching animals with people as their pets. If someone asks me, "which animal would you like to have as a pet ?", my answer would be a "Cat". Yes, I'm a cat-lover. When I was a child, I've really had a long time with some kitten. They had been living under my bed for 6 months, I guess. I used to spy on them, while their mama was not there. Sometimes I had even tried to hold them, but I could only be able to touch their tiny nails. But one day, they left. Yeah, ofcourse they left. I'm someone who believes in freedom, and freedom does not mean to keep someone inside a cage forever. However my family has a parrot as a pet, but I don't like him. He's really moody. Whenever I've tried to touch him, it tries to have a bite of my finger, and once, I got my thumb finger bleeding because of that parrot. I mean he's always grumpy. I've thought to free him a lot of times, but I'm not the one who can do it. So the reason I've started writing about pets, is I met a little cat this week. And I really had fun while watching him running through my house. But one-day, I came home  from school and yes he was gone. I really enjoyed the cat experience for 3 days. I'll miss you, Billu ❤

          So nothing extraordinary happened this week. I realized "Even people can be poisonous, but some people are worth-keeping". We have to understand their values and once we start understanding, we should never forget or decrease their values. Losing importance of people in your life can be caused by two things - it could happen because you started giving more importance to other people or they start losing their importance in your life, because they see less interest now. So, keep an eye on these little things. I know I'm hurt by many people, but it does not mean that I have to hurt people in return. I try my best to keep someone in my life. Yes I can lose values and importance in their lives. But I'll try my best to hold on. I may be jealous, but I can ignore my jealousy. I may be hurt, but I can crush my pain. Because I don't wanna lose someone once I get someone. And I'll never ever tell a word about these values and importance, these things are natural.  Nobody lets people lose interest and importance, it just happens. I think that's it for today. I know I'm busy because of school and studies, but I can say "Being Busy is OK", because work keeps you detached from your horrible thoughts and feelings. I'm really sleepy right now. So just have a good night or I know you're having a good night and dreaming something very sweet. See ya next time. Khuda Hafiz.
                                                          Love, Pran