It's been a long time again. I was too lazy to post anything. I'm not gonna add any humour in this post. Because right now, I'm serious and I'm not okay. What should someone do if he needs a friend to be there for him when he's not okay, but no one is here for me. I feel terribly lonely. It's like I have nothing left inside me. I'm a dustbin and I'm full now. People make you feel how useless you are not by saying it on your face, but they make us realize by ignoring us. For me, a best friend is someone, whom I can tell everything that's inside my heart. But now, I feel very limited. If your friend is giving you a limit to speak, then no, it's not your best friend. What's the problem? Why can't I be trustworthy? Do I lie? Maybe, but not while talking to friends. It's been so long, I've been distant from everyone. Because I have horrible people, who make me realize that I don't like my country as much as they do, I'm not intelligent as much as they are. I miss everything and everyone. Please don't think I'm happy. I'm not. I can smile but that's not happiness. I'm telling you, you must have read some sad quotes on instagram while scrolling down. I can relate them with me sometimes. When I'm sad, no one is here. When I listen to sad songs, I literally have watery eyes. Somehow I manage to keep the water inside my eyes. I can see my eyes are not the same. They don't have that spark now. I'm so much tensed. Whenever I get time, I start overthinking. And that makes me feel how lonely I am. No one answers my call at once. No one tells me how they feel. Am I that horrible to trust? One-day, someone said, "Don't avoid, but don't even face." I kept searching everywhere. I asked people if there's anything between avoiding and facing something. But I guess the answer was "no". I need friends. Please help me be a person. I don't wanna be a problem.
Another thing that pours sadness and tension in my heart is "study". I'm tired of studying. Sometimes I even fear that I would fail the board examination. And what would be the consequences if I will fail? Help me God! Please get me at least pass marks. I think I've done something horrible in my past life, that's why God's so cruel to me. Anyway, I can't write anything else now. To all my friends out there, "Please remember me sometimes. I would be grateful to you."
Love, Pran
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