Friday, December 20, 2019

2009

    It was the first year, I entered the primary school. I was unaware about a primary student's life. Actually I was incapable of understanding what it means to be in a class full of students, and a teacher. I remember how the books used to be colorful and thin, full of pictures that would create curiosity in every 6-year-old kid like me. I remember how I was introduced to a bunch of notebooks during my summer vacation. The bunch had included different types of notebooks. The blank ones for Mathematics, the four-lined ones were for English, the single-lined ones were for Social Studies, Language and GK, the ones for Science, which had one side blank and another side single-lined and yes, a bigger blank one for drawing. Then I learned that we would have to cover them and paste nameplates on them, so that everyone would know those were mine. I remember the vacations went by, playing games with cousins, doing funny things in front of a cooler, improving handwriting (which I loved to do), eating ice-cream or kulfi everyday, watching cartoons and all. I don't remember if I was excited to start the school after all these fun. I was given a new bag, bigger than the one I had for nursery, because obviously I had to take more things. I learned how to tie shoes, black ones for Monday to Friday and a pair of white ones for Saturday. I learned how to comb my hair myself, although my Granny prepared me for my first day of school before and after vacations, or actually everyday. She wouldn't like the way I used to comb. And still she thinks I don't know how to comb my hair. So, everyone was happy with me, watching me going to school. The day, I entered the school after vacation, I was scared, because I knew that I'd be here for 6 hours long - 10am to 4pm. Now I realize, if I was in any English medium school, then I would have had less school-hours. But I didn't care about the timings. We used to have long prayers. But I liked to pray then, those Sanskrit mantras. I remember a senior Didi accompanied me to my class room. I didn't care who was sitting next to me, or behind me. I never cared for the classmates in my early primary classes. Days went by, I learned my teachers' names. I g ot to know how to maintain the school diary. My father would pick me up from the school, but I got know that our school had a bus, which used to help students in transportation. When I got to know that, the school bus wasn't going through my lanes, I was disturbed, I thought the school was partial to its students. According to me, the bus was meant for every student.


        In July 2009, I appeared for my first monthly test of school, which was an oral test. I performed well in these tests, my grades were high in every test. In monthly tests, even in half-yearly and annual exams. I didn't know what it means to get good grades in exams. However I got second position in our entire class. Yep, I was a nerd then. I only used to focus on studies, on my handwriting and drawing. I remember when I got to know that we didn't have Hindi in our first grade, I didn't wait for next year. I started learning Hindi from my didi and my aunt in that year only. And Yay!  I was perfect in Hindi writing when I entered second grade, the next year. We were instructed to use pencil for writing in first grade, but I used to write with pen when I was at home. You can see how interested I was in studies. Even when my aunt used to do some psychology lessons, I used to copy her and pretend to study psychology.


     
          I was good at extra curricular activities too. I used to sing from my childhood. I used to go to music classes with my Didi. I remember she was not at all interested to learn music. We used to just go and sit there and practice the notes, the Sargam and the aalaaps. I used to draw creative things like some weird looking animals, birds, scenery and also the images of Hindu deities. Now I think the images I used to draw, would be disrespect for them. I learned how to color from my didi. She would teach me maths often. I remember I never gave too much time to bookish study.


        And yes, I didn't like the PE classes back then. I don't even like now. I never showed interest in sports. I hated to do exercises in school under the sharp sun. But I was okay with it. Actually I didn't know that I wasn't interested in sports. I used to play indoor games like carom, ludo, snake and ladders etc. I loved to watch Tom and Jerry, Chhota Bheem, Thomas and friends, Baby Looney Toons, Mr Bean  the most. And I used to inspire myself so easily that once I saw Mr Bean cutting his hair in an episode and I did the same in front of mirror. One-day, I pressed my raincoat with an iron and ruined it forever. I also got hurt while doing it, it burned my fingers a little. In this year, I experienced how an electric shock feels like. My health wasn't always good at that time. I was ill half of the year. I skipped two months of my school for it. They say it was because of  tonsils or something, I don't remember. I used to visit an ophthalmologist every month, because maybe I had some problems in my eye retina or something. I don't know about my health issues properly. But I remember I used to be sick. I used to be in medication. But still I have enjoyed every moment of this year as a kid, the summer vacations, the Dusshera vacations, the winter vacations.. everything. I even got to know about travelling as I went somewhere with my parents. That's how the year passed by.

 

       This year was one of the best years of my life. I had no idea about wrong things, I never lied, I wasn't stubborn or a crybaby. I just loved everything and everyone I knew. I wish I could live that year again.  


Tuesday, December 3, 2019

Please πŸ™

00.44

     It's been a long time again. I was too lazy to post anything. I'm not gonna add any humour in this post. Because right now, I'm serious and I'm not okay. What should someone do if he needs a friend to be there for him when he's not okay, but no one is here for me. I feel terribly lonely. It's like I have nothing left inside me. I'm a dustbin and I'm full now. People make you feel how useless you are not by saying it on your face, but they make us realize by ignoring us. For me, a best friend is someone, whom I can tell everything that's inside my heart. But now, I feel very limited. If your friend is giving you a limit to speak, then no, it's not your best friend. What's the problem? Why can't I be trustworthy? Do I lie? Maybe, but not while talking to friends. It's been so long, I've been distant from everyone. Because I have horrible people, who make me realize that I don't like my country as much as they do, I'm not intelligent as much as they are. I miss everything and everyone. Please don't think I'm happy. I'm not. I can smile but that's not happiness. I'm telling you, you must have read some sad quotes on instagram while scrolling down.  I can relate them with me sometimes. When I'm sad, no one is here. When I listen to sad songs, I literally have watery eyes. Somehow I manage to keep the water inside my eyes. I can see my eyes are not the same. They don't have that spark now. I'm so much tensed. Whenever I get time, I start overthinking. And that makes me feel how lonely I am. No one answers my call at once. No one tells me how they feel. Am I that horrible to trust? One-day, someone said, "Don't avoid, but don't even face." I kept searching everywhere. I asked people if there's anything between avoiding and facing something. But I guess the answer was "no". I need friends. Please help me be a person. I don't wanna be a problem.
 
             Another thing that pours sadness and tension in my heart is "study". I'm tired of studying. Sometimes I even fear that I would fail the board examination. And what would be the consequences if I will fail? Help me God! Please get me at least pass marks. I think I've done something horrible in my past life, that's why God's so cruel to me. Anyway, I can't write anything else now. To all my friends out there, "Please remember me sometimes. I would be grateful to you." 
    
                                               Love, Pran

Friday, November 8, 2019

Reasons I Love "13 Reasons Why" Part 1


     Hey there ! I'm back (again after a long time). I was just busy πŸ˜…. Well, I wanted to post it a long time ago. But I never finished writing it. As I said in my previous post, that I'll let you know about the shows and movies I watch, this is the beginning. Let's get into the show.
 
      Netflix's "13 Reasons Why" is actually a teen drama and is an absolutely mysterious series, which is really thrilling to watch. Actually it's good for binge watching. It has 3 seasons so far. Netflix has announced that the 4th season will be the final season. In this post I'm gonna focus on the first season of 13 reasons why, which is the real theme of the series. As the title of the series suggests, each season has 13 episodes.
         Hannah Baker is a joyous teenage girl, who's new to the high school and wants a teenage life every teenager wants to live. She wants to make good friends, she wants to get into a college and she also wants someone special to call her his girl. After I watched the first season, I used to think Hannah's character was the best character I've ever seen in a modern series. But after I watched season 2, which solved a lot of mysteries and showed Hannah's dark sides..uhhh I don't really suggest you to watch the season 2 and 3. Because it gets cops involved, political issues, scary fights between school kids, too much violence and vulgarity, drugs, alcohol, murder, rape, and many more disturbing things, which actually somehow decrease the values of emotions in the show. It rather starts focusing on social messages, which is a plus point. But in the first season, we get to love the characters and their emotions, which we surprisingly start missing in the season 2. And season 3 is not about Hannah. I don't even know why it's called "13 reasons why season 3 ". Makers should have given a new title for this season. Well, talking about season 1, Hannah's life completely changes when she starts going to the school. And these changes takes her down. People hurt her, not just mentally, but also physically. She got so hurt that she didn't have any wish to live anymore. Her parents were busy in their financial and personal matters. Hannah knew her parents loved her, but she didn't find comfort even from her parents. So before she commits suicide by slitting her own wrists with a blade in her bathtub, she records some tapes, in which she tells about the reasons why she committed suicide. She wanted those persons to realize, that they hurt her so much and let her down. Each episode tells story of a single character's story with Hannah. I'm not gonna write about the reasons why she killed herself. You better go and watch the first season. I don't wanna give spoilers. Let's just focus on the reasons I love the show. Well not the entire show, only the first season of 13 reasons why.


Number 1 : Catherine Langford

    "Hey, it's Hannah, Hannah Baker. That's right. Don't adjust your whatever device you're listening to this on. It's me, live and in stereo. No return engagements, no encore. And this time absolutely no requests. Get a snack. Settle in. 'Cause I'm about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically,  why my life ended."
 
      The voice, the emotion which say these words is just perfect. More specifically Catherine Langford is the perfection. Everytime she speaks in her voice, I just love listening to her. Her acting is something which I can't even describe in words. The emotions she shows in her scenes, they're just meant to be only hers. Hannah Baker was meant to be played by only her. Actually she's the biggest reason I started watching 13 reasons why. I watched her suicide scene somewhere, and got disturbed. I loved that scene so much that I took interest to see more of her in the show. And I absolutely loved Hannah Baker and the series. No-one could have played Hannah better than Catherine. I think Catherine Langford is the most expressive actress I've ever seen. She can change your mood according to her scene everytime, even though Clay Jensen (google him if you don't know) would be giving a stressful scene, and when he gets a flashback of joyful Hannah, you will forget that she's actually dead and this is just a flashback. This is the first reason I love 13 reasons why .


Number 2 : The Theme

   People are loosing emotions and feelings now a days. And watching a series which makes you realize that how we're hurting people and how it impacts on them is really helpful to understand humanity. 13 Reasons Why's Season 1 is one of those series, which completely worth watching to understand what people can be going through and how we should treat them. How we could be more helpful to our loved ones. I've watched a lot of shows, but 13 reasons Why is the only show, which let me get connected with every type of character. Even Jessica's bitchy character, the innocent good guy Clay Jensen, the bad guy Bryce Walker, the good friend Tony Padilla, the immature kid Alex Standall, the closet girl Courtney Crimson, the proud gay Ryan Shaver, poor but strong Justin Foley, the mature girl Sheri and many more. These were some characters who are in the list of Hannah's reasons. Each of them is best for their roles and delivers the right message. The theme is also an important reason why I love the series. There's a scene when Clay Jensen takes Courtney to Hannah's graveyard and she starts crying, it was really painful. I really loved Michelle Selene Ang throughout the series. It gave a big message about homosexuality. The social messages focus on so many real problems like road safety, bullying, homophobia, rape, ignorance, abuse, racism and more. 13 reasons why portrays these things well. That's a big plus point for the show. 


Number 3 : Some Characters 

     Justin Foley was Hannah's first boyfriend in the series. He shows Hannah's private pictures to his gang and one of his friend posts it online. Then it goes viral and after that Hannah was hurt and ashamed of herself. Justin and Hannah's relationship was never seen again, neither did they try to talk about this thing. Brandon Flynn has made into my favorite celebrities' list. He was marvellous as Justin and is also a good public figure. I loved Justin's character because of him. Justin is a poor kid. His mother was dating a criminal drug dealer. His family was running out of money. Justin was all alone. When no one was there for him, his rich friend, Bryce was there for him . He helped Justin in many ways. Justin is poor, innocent, guilty and lovable. I love the scenes of Justin too. 


       Sheri Holland is an underrated character of 13 reasons why. Although she didn't hurt Hannah mentally or physically. She just let Hannah in guilt. It's a complicated story. Sheri is really helpful for her friends. Although she freaked out, when she broke a sign board, which caused an accident later. For which Hannah was guilty. Sheri was guilty too and she helped the sufferer of the accident without letting him know that she caused it, which repays her crime. Ajiona Alexus was fantastic as Sheri. She's one of my favorite. She doesn't have a major storyline in the show, but she's really a good person.


          I've already told about Courtney. She's gay and she kissed Hannah one night. A picture of their kiss got viral in the school. Kids couldn't recognize the two girls and when they asked Courtney, she freaked out and said it was Hannah kissing a lesbian girl. Courtney was a popular kid in the school. She was raised by her gay fathers. She was afraid of getting her image ruined if she would come out. So she just took Hannah's name randomly and it stared chaos. People were already calling her a lot of bad things. Still she was guilty and didn't run away from the truth. She came out proudly and sent a big message for homophobic people of our society. I loved her character more in season 2. Michele Selene Ang played Courtney's character well.


     Ryan Shaver was another gay kid in the school and he didn't care what people think of him. He was talented and he wanted to help Hannah by improving her writing skills. He loved Hannah's writings and posted one of those without her permission which was supposed to be private. Hannah hadn't expected that from Ryan. She got hurt again. Ryan was guilty too. He apologized to Mrs. Baker and told her more about Hannah's personal life after his trial in the court. He was nice to everyone who was nice to him. I loved his character too. Well, he was a writer and so am I. So I liked it when he used to come to screen too. He doesn't have a major storyline too like Sheri.


    These are some characters, for whom I like the show better. There was another character named ChloΓ«, who was introduced in season 2 as Bryce's girlfriend. She got pregnant with Bryce's child. Bryce had done something horrible to Hannah and Jessica and many more girls. She cuts off from Bryce and changes the high school. But she had to abort her child. Her abortion scene was one of my favorite scene in the show. Anne Winters was outstanding in the scene. A teenage girl aborting her first child, from someone who she loved was really sad to watch. Tyler Down was another amazing character, who gets sexually assaulted by some kids in the washroom. When he tells about this to Clay, it was really heartbreaking to watch. Everyone hated Tyler in the school, he used to shoot guns and did crazy things. But he changed himself into a very innocent kid again. Devin Druid was perfect for playing Tyler's role. Okay enough of the characters.


    There will be another part of this post. Stay tuned... 
                            Love, Pran

Monday, October 14, 2019

Long Time No See

00:19
14th Oct 2019

Oh! Hey there! I know it's a comeback. There was a lot to write, but I didn't want to publish them. So I wrote and I saved them in drafts just for me. Those are not the things that I should shout for everyone. So obviously that's private. And privacy is a big thing. I believe privacy is an important part of our life.. But unfortunately it's not an important part of my life at all, although I give respect to people's privacy, and I know it's important. I need privacy too, but sometimes it's better if we don't expect things, just go with the flow.. Anyways, as the title suggests, I've been off for more than a month for some obvious reasons, which I'm not gonna tell if you ask me on my instagram page or even face to face... Well at least I can have this privacy. So I'll just let you know what happened in this long break...

Number one...  

I got attached with a wrong person, which I thought I wasn't attached, but it turned out that he was so so attached to me. Even if I yelled at him, or tried to blow him off, said horrible things about him, disrespected his privacy intentionally, took everything of his online life under my control, well many more.. But he was genuine and I was so hurt when I had to take this difficult decision to cut off our attachment even after long phone calls because I was freaking out.. I couldn't stop thinking of this person and his views on me.. But as soon as I realized it's a wrong attachment.. I started ignoring, I started doing things that I would hate if anyone else would do to me.. But finally I got rid of him... O didn't say him to back off.. He said good bye himself... Great.. Chapter ended.. Oh no after effects of attachment?  Well. No not at all.. U need right people to let go of wrong people, that's the only cure. And I'm glad I had some people who care about me.


Number 2

I had another person who was as sick as f. His story is quite simple.  Start talking in a group, because we have things in common. Then forget about me for a year. And then come back purposely like "oh hey! We're friends right? " "No, we're so over. ".... Well I wish I could say that to him at that time.. But I am dumb.. I accepted his.. well.. Whatever that was, maybe a reminder of being friends? Doesn't matter. So we became so called friends again.. And we had mutual friends.  And trust me mutual online friends ! Nothing can be so horrible than that.. Well for me... I don't like mutual friends.. Sorry for the distraction.. So, this person now acts like he's the superior one and wants you to feel jealous that he has a great friend, who's much better than you. Well, dear person, I don't give a single f on you and your so called friends. Because they are not even your real friends. I'm sure they'd leave you just like I kicked you out of my life. There's message for you... "Stop being such a d.  Be mature. You're not a superhero or a Bigg boss. All that you need to do is just go and look at your face in a mirror. You are such an obsessive, moody, possessive, psycho, hypocrite, weird, sick, dumb, immature, useless, dramatic, clingy, judgemental, ignorant, pathetic (and many more adjectives) person. Go renew yourself. You're welcome."
If you think this is my anger, no it's not. I think people who really know me, they know I never get angry on people. I would never write these  things for a person I am friend of. But you were clearly not my friend, crystal clear. Even if I gave you chances to be friends, you failed. You messed up everything. He couldn't see that someone is being treated in a friendlier way than him,  or has a better connection than him. It's obvious if you would hurt someone even for once, you'll lose trust and importance a little if he even forgives you. I did that too.. I forgave him so many times. But clearly I never imagined him as a friend. And when it was just enough, I put a full stop to it. The end of this story too... 



Number 3

This is a problem that I have since I've crossed  that so called first part of school life "10th Grade". I've seen students who change after passing out from this grade. They might have great marks, but they change for their own reasons like being in pressure, lack of guidance, lack of interest, tired of being a topper. Well I'm not saying that everyone changes, some students keep their work same. But a student like me, who is studying in a stream, which he doesn't have a little interest in, it's really difficult to keep the same Topper tag on. I'd never wanted to be a topper and I Don't even want to be. Because I never wanted to hear stories like "he had a great rank in 10th grade, and after that he started going downward". This is ridiculous. But I'm tired of studying now. I don't care about these stories but somehow they matter for our parents. So for whatever reasons, I didn't even touch any books and I appeared for exams. And apparently I (bloop) up. I just guessed the answers and darkened the circles by my great assuming power. Let's see how much numbers I'll get.... 

Number 4

I've watched some amazing movies and series which have inspired me on my ways, that only I should know. So I'll let you know the series I've watched in a post I guess.. But just to keep it short, I'm not gonna write about them here.

Number 5

I am so so happy that I'm not jealous of anyone right now.  Finally I've got that zen power which I'd been trying to get intentionally and I was failing.  But I got it naturally. Being attached but not too attached is really peaceful for me. There is a person, who's really helpful. But I was so jealous of him over someone. And I took it as a competition. We did crazy things in this competition, which was totally useless. Now I'm mature enough to understand that there's no need to fight over people for importance. If they want to pay you attention, they will.. So stop fighting for it. I gave up and won. πŸ˜‡ 

So these are the things I wanted to share. I would answer no questions asked on these topics. Thank you. Gud night. I promise I'll come soon. 

       
                                  Love, Pran

Friday, August 23, 2019

Happy Happy ❤ Hurt Hurt πŸ’”

1.29am



         I wasn't in a mood to write anything. It's been 5 days or something. I can't count the days. There's just so much going on my mind and nothing comes out in words. I feel the failure of expressing. I just watched two movies in a row before writing this. So I feel a bit of inspired. Inspired to write something. I'll tell you what happened. Some days back, it was raining a lot. I'd been thinking that I loved rain. But after this rainy day, apparently I've realized that I hate rain. I just hate that watery weather. I don't like the atmosphere made after raining. I've never had a shower in rain though. Because I couldn't take it.  I tried to go out into the rain, but after a few seconds, I started feeling awful. I couldn't bear the raindrops on my skin, which made me to step back from the rain. It was just natural,  I wanted to stay there a bit, but I couldn't. You see everything doesn't happen just as same as our expectations. We dream things, we try to live it but who knows how it makes us feel in reality. So it was an example to explain the theme of the film I've just watched. Two people think they'd never fall for each other, but they start falling. After they start falling for each other, they decide to live their dreams. Living their dreams turns out to be very difficult for both of them. But still they think they'd stay for themselves. They will be loving each other forever. Well, after turning the dreams into reality, nothing happened as same as they had thought. They had to leave, they had to live their own lives, apart from each other. And one day, the destiny makes them meet each other again. But everything has been changed. That's the ending. I think it's still a happy ending. It's happy ending because both of them were happy. 



         Next thing is, I've been missing school for a long time. I'm giving myself some time and trying to figure out things. But as long as I'm waiting, I'm getting more messed up. Thanks to the adorable, caring, loving and kind people I have. I'm not hurt. It's just a complexion of feelings. It's like ignored, hurt, happy, sick, tired, worried, horribly attached with wrong people and many more. Why do I still feel alone after having these amazing people ? I didn't give a heading for this post, because nothing suitable  came to my mind. I just thought "WTH!  How can I do the same mistakes everytime? " would be good, but no I'm not repeating mistakes. I think I'm special for them, but not that special. They don't make me feel that special now. All the spark's gone. So I searched for new people. They found me interesting, we chat,  we have fun, and in the end, it just ends. One of them thinks getting attached with me is not good for him. Well, that's your choices to make.  Mine is to just go through your choices. Just one line I'd like to tell them "Don't make me too attached with you and just stop talking to me". Because I feel the same way. I think I've been getting used to them too. Nothing more to say. Good night .
       
                                                         Love, Pran



Sunday, August 18, 2019

Happy or Fine?

"have you ever noticed that there's a big difference between fine and happy? "




     People ask "How are you?" and we answer "I'm fine". It's rare to find people telling "I'm happy" to the person who has asked this formal and famous question. Is it a difference that we all know well but we don't need to figure out what the difference is ? Or it doesn't matter ? Or it maybe boring ? Or it's hard to explain the difference? Hard that you are incapable of getting the right words to use while trying to explain or while you're just thinking about it.  That's what we do. We ignore things we are incapable of elaborating . What I think is that happiness is an expression or a feeling of our situation, but 'fine' is fine. I don't know what it is. Just everyone use it without doing a good mental research for the right word. It's FINE. We don't have that much time to do a research for a single word. We can't understand what people want as an answer from us of the question "how are you?". Maybe they expect the boring "FINE". Maybe they expect something interesting like happy, sad, angry... Blah blah blah. Maybe they expect nothing. But they ask because it's the formal way to start a conversation. But some people also ask because they really care. And they might get disappointed with your answer. And they have to be okay with your answer. Fine is okay. Okay is comforting. Comforting is nothing to worry about. But see, it says how much interested you are to talk to the person. I'm not talking about the vocal conversations, it's all about the texting. I don't know how people think. But I get a vibe that this person is showing less interest to have a talk. And usually I never ask "how are you?". It's because I'm aware of the answer you're about to give. It's because I don't like the answer. It's because I want to avoid you showing less interest. Well I've written a lot about interest. Because I take it seriously. And it's important. 
   
       Huh! I don't really think I've elaborated the difference. But yeah I hope you get it . Gud night. Another stupid post πŸ₯΄

                                       Love, Pran



Thursday, August 8, 2019

A Midnight Writing

Currently in ❤


          Hey, it's just like an update. I'm doing good. At least people can think that I'm fine. Because they can't understand, and I can't explain how to reply a "How are you". Well I don't really know if this makes sense or not, but I'm currently in love. No, it's not one-sided. Alhamdulillah it's not. Because one-sided love is boring. Nothing can be said about this kinda love. Because it's kinda abnormal. I don't have to answer the cheesiest questions ever asked by a girlfriend. But still I'm in love. It's kind of a love, where I get to choose what I can do. It's kind of a love where I have more happiness and satisfaction than I've ever had before. Confusing, isn't it? Well let it be. Who cares?  I have what I want. So no need to explain why I am happier and more satisfied. What kind of satisfaction? What kind of happiness? Readers might be thinking this person is absolutely mad. I think everyone on this world is mad. It's the good kind of mad, nothing to worry about. I don't need a psychiatrist, lol. I want to laugh a lot. I want to shout out loudly at the world. I think a little bit of happiness, little bit of anxiety, little bit of love, little bit of impatience, little bit of grumpiness and lots of me makes my life. It's all about me, I don't really want anything else stop me from loving. I know it's the most boring blog post of mine (maybe I'll write more in future πŸ˜…), but if we start explaining ourselves in detail, we may stuck at some point while searching for the perfect word to use. Well that's what happening to me. I'm not getting words to use. It's because I'm so happy. I'm so happy that someone hurt me before. I'm happy that I let things go. I'm happy that I don't care. I'm happy I'm being crazy. I'm happy I'm writing this. I'm happy I'm not listening to anyone, but my favorite songs. I'm happy that I'm sorry. I'm happy I'm opening up to myself. I'm happy that I'm currently in love with myself ❤. Nothing much to say. Have a good night.

                                                            Love, Pran


(Lol, took an hour to finish writing, just wrote the craziest things I could ever think to publish) 

Saturday, August 3, 2019

A 3am Writing

Being Busy is OK

       There's nothing certain about people. They can mean the whole world to you and also they can be poisonous for you. Watch out! Start getting smarter. So I have a lot of things to tell, but I don't know how to express them in words. So here're just some kinda important things that happened with me.

             First thing is that there are some people, by talking to them, I just start filling up with negativity. I mean I have my point of view to mind, why should I start messing with yours?  I tried, actually a lot to turn the matter down. But everyone is stubborn, I guess . Fine, it's good to be stubborn. But don't force somebody to agree with you if he's not showing interest or having his own point of view. In complex words, People can argue about their views, but they don't think about the views of the one they're talking to . Just like I said before, people can be poisonous. Their words can kill your thougts, expectations and feelings. And in simple words, "Don't demotivate someone." If you find such people, who are always trying to be your boss, you better keep distance from them or you are going to lose something.



         I am an animal lover. But actually I'm scared of them. They are too soft to touch. I've always wanted a pet, but then I get scared, that I'm gonna love my pet so much, and in the end we have to be separated. This thing can be painful, so I'm just happy with watching animals with people as their pets. If someone asks me, "which animal would you like to have as a pet ?", my answer would be a "Cat". Yes, I'm a cat-lover. When I was a child, I've really had a long time with some kitten. They had been living under my bed for 6 months, I guess. I used to spy on them, while their mama was not there. Sometimes I had even tried to hold them, but I could only be able to touch their tiny nails. But one day, they left. Yeah, ofcourse they left. I'm someone who believes in freedom, and freedom does not mean to keep someone inside a cage forever. However my family has a parrot as a pet, but I don't like him. He's really moody. Whenever I've tried to touch him, it tries to have a bite of my finger, and once, I got my thumb finger bleeding because of that parrot. I mean he's always grumpy. I've thought to free him a lot of times, but I'm not the one who can do it. So the reason I've started writing about pets, is I met a little cat this week. And I really had fun while watching him running through my house. But one-day, I came home  from school and yes he was gone. I really enjoyed the cat experience for 3 days. I'll miss you, Billu ❤





          So nothing extraordinary happened this week. I realized "Even people can be poisonous, but some people are worth-keeping". We have to understand their values and once we start understanding, we should never forget or decrease their values. Losing importance of people in your life can be caused by two things - it could happen because you started giving more importance to other people or they start losing their importance in your life, because they see less interest now. So, keep an eye on these little things. I know I'm hurt by many people, but it does not mean that I have to hurt people in return. I try my best to keep someone in my life. Yes I can lose values and importance in their lives. But I'll try my best to hold on. I may be jealous, but I can ignore my jealousy. I may be hurt, but I can crush my pain. Because I don't wanna lose someone once I get someone. And I'll never ever tell a word about these values and importance, these things are natural.  Nobody lets people lose interest and importance, it just happens. I think that's it for today. I know I'm busy because of school and studies, but I can say "Being Busy is OK", because work keeps you detached from your horrible thoughts and feelings. I'm really sleepy right now. So just have a good night or I know you're having a good night and dreaming something very sweet. See ya next time. Khuda Hafiz.
                                                          Love, Pran


Thursday, July 25, 2019

Realization πŸ˜‡

BACK AGAIN


                 

       Okay.. Bismillah. I'm here again. So it's been 3 days. I did realize a lot of things. First thing I realized was that I have to concentrate on my studies or I will end up getting a really poor grade. But before that I missed another day of school, I really have forgotten about the reason of my leave. Anyways on that day, I kept doing my research on NIFT (my current aim). Actually I keep doing this research whenever I get some kind of free time, which is very rare to get now a days. Maybe I'm being a bit of impatient about it or maybe I'm not getting satisfying results from my research about NIFT. Because NIFT is a very new and strange thing in a small town, where I live. Here people don't have enough ideas about modern age career options. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what I've felt. Because I don't have someone who can always clear my doubts and solve my questions about my career in NIFT. People must think without any limits. People's thinking in a small town can be very limited. And I think it's very limited in my town. "If someone takes the Science stream, that means he should be an engineer or a doctor" - this is the common mentality that people have in my so called school. Maybe I'm wrong with this thing also (I wish I am), but as I said, this is what I have felt. I hope I'll get answers of my questions about my career. So it was the second thing I have realized.
           
           The Monday was actually boring. I spent my entire day on my phone. I don't know why but I can't stop getting attached to my phone. Trust me I've tried so hard and I'm still trying, but I always end up with the same thing. So this is the next thing I've realized. Maybe mobile  is my weakness and I'm so addicted to it. I must stop it. Everyone gives great advices on this topic. But I know how hard it is to stay away. In this way, I really killed my day. (this keeps happening and it's not a good thing)
 
          

      So the next day, I had to attend classes anyhow. But unfortunately my entire day was again murdered by an annoying human being. I had to sit with the most irritating boy of our class (claps for me). I was so focused on my study stuff. But there is always consequences of your noble deed. And my noble deed was missing the previous classes. So it was a bit hard to capture things with the regular speed. And it became more difficult because of that boy. Oh God! He is horrible and dangerous for every student. He never stops speaking and asking annoying questions. Just because I know Urdu, he literally ordered me to write his name and also his each and every family member and relatives. No one was even ready to change seats. So the whole day was very irritating and Ughh... I can't describe about it anymore. Wish me best of luck if I would ever have to sit with him again. So I realized stay way from such people as far as possible 🀯. When I returned, I did the same thing. Started my research again and ended it on 9pm. Wasted the evening (again claps for me). 
  
     




     Next thing I realized is that people get people and people lose people. Be careful about that. Not in a mood to describe this matter. There's no need even. This is the truth. So I was late for my school next day. And I found my classmates asking me "Hey! Your friend is present today! " repeatedly,  just like they are making fun. I really can't understand what that means, even now. The friend they were referring to was my friend, but we have stopped talking to each other. I can't even remember the last time I asked him something or told him anything. And from where this thing came from,  I don't even have to find out. I seriously don't care about that boy anymore. We're done. There was friendship or something else, only he knows and I'm never gonna ask him. Because I've stopped caring. On this day,  thank God I didn't have to sit with that boy again. So I did focus on my studies well. Then I really had a good conversation with some friends. Still some classmates kept bothering me as they were telling the same thing repeatedly. But as I said "I don't care". I studied Chemistry in the evening because I got to know that there's gonna be a Chemistry test soon. And yeah this is the end of the day. Thanks for reading. Gud night ❤
                    
                                                      Love, Pran



Monday, July 22, 2019

Today's Love

Do you ever think of being in depression instead of being in love? Think before you feel love for someone :-)

     As someone has said, "Love is a poison, a sweet poison but it will kill you the same " Try falling in love with someone, try your best to give your relationship a one hundred percent, let your ego get crushed in that love, let yourself lose the real you, let everything else in this world sink
in the sea of love, even let yourself lie with you for love, let yourself fight. Well,  it doesn't matter how hard you'll try or what consequences you'll have to face, in the end you have to lose in this war. No-one is gonna win even. Because the war was between you and your conscience.

Beginning

Day : 1

 (oh well.. Very first post..lol) 

         
        It was 21st of July 2019. A Sunday. I don't really wake up early (before 7) on Sundays. But there was a test in my school. I didn't even touch any study materials. But that doesn't matter. A test is a test. We have to face it , maybe with courage and confidence, which I wasn't lacking today. I know how horrible Maths can be (not for nerd math lovers) and I guess most of the students are aware of it. So the test was about Logarithm, about which I didn't even know a single thing. All that I knew was the word log. So I decided to do nothing and just  to select one answer randomly. Thank God it was a multiple choice test. Everyone in my class was really very much confident about the test, that they can secure good numbers (Super Nerds). So that one and half hours were the most painful and tragic hours for me today. Anyway somehow the exam was over and I got some kind of peace. When I came back to my place, I was starving but unfortunately there was no my type of food ,so that I could get more peace. I can't even describe what is my kind of food, lol. Then it was a completely normal day. I did nothing extraordinary. Then it was another boring evening. Oh I forgot to mention about a Chicken Dinner, I got in PUBG after a long time 😍. So That moment was something which I can't express now. Because it's very rare for me to get a win in PUBG being the MVP (most valuable player). Okay enough of Pubg. This match got me into a trouble. One of my teammate (maybe a friend) was upset with me because I couldn't help him in the match and he died. Well it was not the first time. I can't even count how many times he has done this and how many times I have considered this. Isn't it very immature? Not the consideration,  it's his thinking, which is very immature. There's alot of kind of people I have in my life, we all have. Some of them are right for us and some aren't. Then I watched the rest part of the movie (actually the whole movie) called "Mirror Mirror", which is an inspired version of Disney's "Snow-White and the Seven Dwarfs", I liked it very much. It's funny, entertaining and worth watching (for me). Most of the things I like, are the things which people don't like (mostly). But I don't care what these people like or not. Everyone has his own likes and dislikes and so do I. Why should I like the things people like. Anyways, then time flew by so fast and it was night. I mean this is night. And I have to say Good Night.
        Ha ha ha.. I'm done with my first post, lol. Weird, isn't it? Never mind. Everything here is somehow weird. I don't even know why I wrote these things here. I have created this page a week ago (maybe 2 weeks). But I'm posting this today. Okay...I'm so tired today (that's an everyday thing)...no further writing for today. 

       Good night. ❤ Let's see when I'll be writing next post. 
                                                          ❤ Pran